i've decided that everyone has a HER.
whether it just be a HER from school.
HER in the family or HER as in...HER.
Everyone has one.
i happen to have two.
HER who broke my heart HER.
and HER who continues to eat away at me a bit each day.

they just so happen to be the same person.

when i was in love with HER.
When she was mine...
she did. she broke me.
she told me.
on the day that i was going to ask her to be mine.
that she was dating someone else...

she became HER.
she continues to be two HERs because she is my ex.
and she just so happenes to be my sorta kinda not really foster sister.
and as an ex. she is a HER.
that i'd like to avoid at all costs.

as a friend. my best friend/sister she also became a HER.
she abandonded me when i needed her most. when i went to that hell hole and was at the height of my misery.
she said that they thought of talking to me made her physically ill...
and i fell.

i've been home.
because i need to be home.
becaause i am sick.
and...
i can't do what every bone in my fragile body says to do...
run.
there is no where left for me TO run.

She is the HER that everyone has.
the one they spend their time avoiding.
yelling at.
crying over...
and i can't shake it.
can't shake her...

and i was just wondering...
what on the goddess' green earth did i do last life to deserve this?
to love someone so cruel.
so...
blind.
so...stupid...
and why can't i make it stop?
why am I the stupid one who keeps reaching out.
letting her in.
letting her consume just a little bit more next time...

why?